Do you remember the last time you wanted your mother or father to buy you something? Did they look like you knew they wouldn't do it? Have you tried to change his mind? Did you say something like, “But everyone has one”? When you say this, you're actually saying that you want to fit in with other kids your age or your peers. No problem, even if this is just one way of integrating. Why is fitting in or belonging to a peer group such a big deal anyway? Because we all need to be attached to other people and groups of people. It started when you were little and needed your mother, father, or another adult to take care of you. Over the years, your attachment to them and their bond with you have grown stronger and stronger. Now that you're older, you can do a lot to take care of yourself, be more independent, and make more choices on your own. Some children feel they have to push away their parents or other caring adults to "belong" to a group of friends. Do your friends own you? Obviously not! You make your own choices and are old enough to accept responsibility for them, along with their positive or negative consequences. The good news is that you can CHOOSE your actions and your friends, while remaining close to your family. Some children want to fit in with their peers so much that they even choose to do things they know are wrong. Some people call it “peer pressure” when friends try to make other friends do something wrong. I call it “peer choice,” because you get to choose who your friends are and what you do together. You know that “everyone else is doing it” is not an excuse to make a choice that hurts you or anyone else. Let's say a friend tells you that smoking cigarettes feels really good. “Here, try one.” So now there are two voices in your head. One says, "I want to be cool and fit in. If I say no, everyone will think I'm weird." Another voice says, "Give me a break! Don't you know that smoking is stupid! No way is anyone going to make me do something that hurts me. What kind of friend are you, anyway?"?